“What do you want me to say?” Truer words have never been spoken:

We’ve been at risk of becoming another Lost Generation. There are specific protocols for what you’re going through. They tell me I have a good heart. Stay in love.

What’s stopping you from being happy? Where’s everybody going? If it’s not a big deal, you wouldn’t talk about it so much.

I’m such a last-minute person!

I’m not here at your convenience. How can you have the nerve to ask me something like that? Mind your own business.

There’s a lot of things I don’t wanna do and don’t need to do, but I do them to make you happy. You tend your flock, and I’ll tend mine. Always learn new skills. Today, fortune favors the brave and stupid.

Time doesn’t wait for anything, and it passes by too quickly to get caught up doing one thing for too long. We opened it too early and had to bottle it up, but when we sipped on it later, it had gone flat.

We’re so vulnerable without our precious phones. My baby’s so fragile. Gotta be gentle. From now on, smiley faces in all my e-mails.

I remember saying before, “What happens in the dark eventually comes to light.” I’m in the doghouse. I don’t know if I wanna do this anymore. Some things you should know by now.

There are many ways to make money. Had the sex. Did the drugs. Played the Rock’n’Roll. What’s next?

You’re gonna pay for what you’ve done. Some people must die to teach us a lesson.

I can’t help it. I love women, but I don’t like chicks with muscles. It’s borderline gross.

Make time. Hugging for 20 seconds releases oxytocin.

Slow down. 78’s the fastest I drive.

Honestly, just because we think some things doesn’t mean we do them. Money doesn’t change people. It reveals them. Same thing with success.

I’m never gonna make any money if I keep doing things for free, but I’m sure there’s something out there for a guy like me. I just have to spend money to find it. I just like buying stuff to return it later.

Either pay for it or work for it. Dress like a man. Talk like a man. Drink like a man.

I get this pre-work anxiety, even if I know it’s gonna be an easy day. Act as if someone’s watching you, and you’ll always do the right thing.

How to make a Japitana Work Special (JWS): 1/2 oz. Grey Goose La Poire, 1/2 oz. Bacardi Torched Cherry Rum, 1/2 oz. 99 Bananas, 1/2 oz. Triple Sec, 1/2 oz. Peach Schnapps. Fill with Sprite and Pineapple Juice. Top with Grenadine.

Are we on the same page? I’m happy. Don’t ruin this for me.

Sometimes, I don’t feel like drinking, but I don’t know what else to do. I keep a beer under my pillow. I got this quota of beers to drink and rays to catch. Don’t be stupid.

I’m an easy customer. I order cheap beer, so I can tip better. Just keep my water glass full, and I’m happy.

“…Well, I just got outta prison, so I wanna drink.”

The following words don’t hardly mean anything anymore: Loyalty, Respect, Support. Too bad Fairy Godparents don’t exist. You’re gonna be poor forever.

You can’t stop me. You don’t own me. You’ll never catch me. And we’ll never be completely honest with each other because we don’t say what we’re really thinking, and we don’t live the way we’re really feeling. 

What you call “paradise” I call “home”. You’ve been to one island, you’ve been to ‘em all. They say, “Get offline, and you’ll be happy”.

“Home is where my dick is.” - Joel the Jolog (You add authority to your quotes when you ascribe them to someone else.) 

Meeting a friendly person is a nice surprise, and I really admire that. I couldn’t be as nice unless I was under the influence of something.

Dreams often clash with circumstance. One of these days, I hope to walk away from an explosion or carry a sniper rile in a briefcase, like in the movies . Star-crossed lovers are deeply in love but fated never to be together. When you love someone, tell them every day.

“I’m fucking American, bitch.” The military doesn’t educate soldiers on how to pick up chicks.

Improvisation is the heart of field work. Can’t people just do their jobs anymore?

I don’t know much about music, except that I have ears.

Dancing leads to sex, but don’t get your hopes up. I’m glad I’m getting through to you.

There’s only three things to do here: eat, spend money, and make babies. That said, I’ve invested a lot in my belly. (Apparently, I’ve developed this reputation as a hardcore pooper?)

Don’t eat cookies in bed because you’ll leave crumbs.

You are who you drink. I believe we’re brothers under the same God. 

It’s so funny how the organs we use to piss are the same ones we use to fuck. 

At this time in my “career”, I’m making the transition from music to fashion, so I gotta work on my smile. Also, my hair’s long now, definitely passed that weird middle stage.

I wouldn’t mind if we were the only ones in the universe.

NEVER ENOUGH.

Fuck it, and do it already. I don’t have the time to listen to bullshit.

“If I ask you out, would you go out with me?” Are you talking, or do you know what you’re saying? And more importantly, do you know where it’s going? I’m a little embarrassed for you.

Don’t lecture me about Broyalty. I’ve got bros in different area codes. Their girlfriends don’t like it when we hang out.

What is true for you? Never rule out sarcasm.

I’m dead. Just bury me, please. I could never make you as happy as you deserve to be, but I give it my best, and it’s always one hell of a time trying.

Some people really love their music that it makes me wonder if I could ever like something that much.

“Excuse me… Can I get some?” You know the J-Boyz have no day game. You know that! Good satire doesn’t hurt anybody.

The collared shirt is to men what lingerie is to women. I really, really, really like my wallet. Sneakers are cool and all, but that’s kid stuff, babe..

Senior citizen technology is also convenient for stoners. When you’re old, no one cares about you.

Old Asian strippers don’t leave me alone. Man, I hate being the middle man.

I can talk to guys easily; that’s nothing. All we do is talk about is sports and bitches. It’s when I talk to the opposite sex that conversation gets superficial.

Do what’s best for you. I don’t cut corners; if anything, I enjoy the scenic route.

I wanna Tweet every thought I have:

Wish I had my hand sanitizer. #China #asshole

Man, the Internet is too much. #thisiswhyikeepmyfacebook

If it wasn’t for the American government, I wouldn’t be able to fly first class. It sounds classical, but traveling makes me appreciate home. Once again, no souvenirs. Just thousands of photos. After all, sometimes a picture’s all you need.

Jasmines are my favorite flower. Mangoes are my favorite fruit.

The last bite is always the most fulfilling.

I’m not done with you yet, baby. I’m gonna take good care of you. My tiny little princess. My stinky monkey. My pretty little baby piggy. I want (all of) you to myself.

“Always root for the underdog.” I liked you better when you were mine.

In many ways, I feel like some people take advantage of me.

“I don’t want to attach a resume.” It’d be like ‘Undercover Boss’ but I’m not the boss.

Time is nothing to a god. I am a real person.

Sometimes it’s good for me to just take a step back and really look at what I have. I am a man who has everything and nothing.

It’s been awhile since I’ve made someone proud of me. I kinda set myself up for that one, didn’t I?

Finding a job is a job.

Yeah, they all look good with the lights turned off. 

You know you watch a lot of TV when you refer to your days as episodes and your years as seasons.

There was white light. And then there was nothing. Love can happen anytime anywhere.

You can’t be everything to everybody. Stay true to who you are.

Guy Rule: On Valentine’s, you only give your sidepiece a text message. Why do you say things like that? You make yourself look bad.

She only pays attention to me when I’m upset with her. Perhaps, I just a very irritable person. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I always think of the worst-case scenario.

There’s a difference between love and survival, imagination and experience.

I like my dislikes. ur such a h8r i luv it ;)

Student politics are nothing more than a popularity contest. The lesson is: What’s popular isn’t always right.

Maury Povich has done so much for the African-American community. The Foo Fighters are the Katherine Heigl of rock music.

Spank me. I must be dreaming. #trashynotclassy

How would you know, if you’ve never done it?

If you shelter someone too much, they’ll never develop a survival instinct.

“Red rover, red rover… Send bitches right over.” Every now and then, say your thoughts out loud to hear what they sound like. Seriously, I say some of the dumbest shit. All jerk and no lay makes Joel a dull boy.

Discipline is doing what you’re told. Self-discipline is knowing what to do and doing it.

At this point, it saddens me to announce that I’m going to have to stop hanging with Young Money. Confidence becomes cockiness when performance blows.

Some people judge me before they get to know me, but it doesn’t bother me because their judgments are usually way better than who I really am.

At least wifebeaters pay attention to their wives. Apparently, you don’t have to be young to be a dumbass.

I had a dream within a dream within a dream. It took me awhile to realize where I was when I woke up. Now, I can’t sleep.

I don’t sign my paintings.

For the next couple months, I’ll be writing a shitload of guitar riffs. There’s something very calming about watching someone in their element, when everything goes away, except for the master and his craft.

I could never finish a bag of chips. How do I break the news to my dealer that I have a cannabis card?

Everything looks better when you frame it.

Back in my day, video games were put in the cartridge and switch on. None of this “Loading…” bullshit.

With the edge off, maybe he’ll loosen up. #PoundTown #BoneZone #MeatSuite

Porn condones a certain conduct that in reality, is socially unacceptable. Have fun and be safe!

One of these days, you’re bound to drop your guard. You keep whackin’ a Redwood, it’ll eventually fall. I can be a dick.

There’s so much I don’t know about you.

I’m not gonna change the world.

…Way too many dogs these days.

Too many people depend on me.

Ewww!!! It sounds so weird when Mom says “blowjob”. Believe it or not, but I’m very family-oriented.

I’m not as funny in the morning.

Other times, stick to what you know: Do I want to shower or go back to sleep? I’m living a life without true purpose. Sometimes, I have to remind myself this is what I wanted.

These days, I need a nun with a yardstick to keep me in check. That or a drill sergeant. I don’t wanna be perfect, I just wanna be good.

Every loss teaches a lesson. The older you get, the more you realize that you’ve made your mistakes, and now, you have to be responsible and live with them. Sad as it is.

Anything’s obtainable. Do you have what it takes?

Male: Confident. Funny. Stylish. Taken.

I’m sick. I got never-fill-up-the-gas-tank-itis.

Decency is worth fighting for. Right here. Right now.

“I still get nervous around you because I like you so much.” We have a weird relationship, and I think it’s our awkwardness that unites us. Three shots to the chest. Am I in over my head? Although it is nice to feel wanted. 

This is America, right? Why do we do the things that we do for the people that we do? I’ll admit there are some things I won’t admit I do. I can’t forget, even if I wanted to. I’m cursed to live a long life.

Name it. Whatever you want. You got it.

SPEAK UP. IF IT’S WORTH SAYING, SAY IT.

Oh my God! What have I done? I forgot what I was talking about: Must we understand everything? Everyday’s something new. Be better than yesterday. Travel well. Go out in style.